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The question is, how can we use this knowledge to create rhythms of joy? Think first of your own love language. What fills your cup? What makes you feel loved, content, happy, and peaceful? My love language is words of affirmation, so part of my rhythm is to write words of affirmation in my journal and to cultivate a kind inner voice. If quality time is your language, be intentional to build in a little quality time each day. If heartfelt gifts speak to you, you can create a loving ritual whereby each day, everyone writes a special love note on cut out hearts and distributes them to each family member. You can collect your own hearts as gifts of love. If acts of service speaks the loudest to you, build in family chores (or contributions which feels like a more positive word to kids) that allow your children to do things for you that ease your burden. Finally, if physical touch is your love language, intentionally build in a routine with extra snuggle time before bed and regular date nights with your partner.

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Next, figure out what your children need to feel secure and happy at home. What fills their cups and meets their emotional needs? If you only have one or two children, the rhythms you create can be tailor made, but maybe it’s a good idea to build in daily rhythms that speak every language. It could look like this:

Begin the day by greeting each family member with a hug or hair ruffle (physical touch) and some kind words (words of affirmation). Instead of starting the day rushed and irritated, intentionally build in a routine of building one another up right out of bed. “Good morning! I’m glad to see you. That outfit looks nice. How did you sleep?” These small changes take almost no time at all but they make a big difference if the tone of your home. Do the same thing when you pick your child up from school or see them after a nap. Greeting one another warmly goes a long way in making people feel loved and appreciated!

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Perhaps to cover the acts of service people, you’ll build in a daily routine of 30 minutes designated to contributions/chores with upbeat music, high fives, and a little game of race the clock. You may want to tackle each job in teams so that everyone feels that they were helped out. Encourage everyone to also regularly do kind things for other family members, and lead the way by making your daughter’s bed or putting away your son’s laundry on occasion. Eventually these routines, when infused with a positive attitude, will become part of your family culture.

We can give simple gifts every day to our loved ones that don’t cost a thing. Flowers picked from the hillside, a note of appreciation taped to the mirror, a handmade bookmark, a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, or an origami animal all say “I was thinking of you.”

Finally, end every day with quality time. Build in a routine of togetherness where devices are left behind and board games come out or dinner is eaten around the table or you lie in bed and read together.

These rhythms are created purposefully and held to lovingly as part of your family culture. It takes work to hold intentionally to routines in these hectic times when it is so much easier to think in terms of what needs checked of the list next, but we can make a conscious choice that the heartbeats of our homes will be warmth, love, service, and affirmations so that each of us feel wholly loved each day knowing that where people feel wholly loved, there is joy!

Rebecca Eanes is the bestselling author of multiple books including Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Gift of a Happy Mother. She is the grateful mom of two boys.