Continued...

Toddlers and Preschoolers

Your child may be talking nonstop now, but finding the words to express big emotions is still a difficult task. That’s why it’s important to continue reading cues and discerning the reasons behind your child’s behavior and to continue meeting your child’s needs with loving responsiveness. Below are a few ways to keep the connection strong:

• Avoid any discipline that uses shame, coercion, or withdrawal of affection and attention. These tactics put a strain on the attachment relationship, break trust, and cause anxiety in children.
• Listen to the little things now so she’ll tell you the big things later. You’re laying the foundation for respectful communication in these early years, so show her how to listen well.
• Practice what you preach. Children follow our example more than our instructions. We can’t expect little kids to use gentle hands and kind words if we don’t practice this ourselves.
• Praise the process, not the result. You want to convey the message that trying is what counts, not getting it perfect. This teaches the value of effort, and it builds connection when you take the time to stop and acknowledge your child.
• Speak words of affirmation
• Take time to play.
• Keep your promises. If you say you’ll lie down with him at bedtime for an extra story tonight, make sure you follow through. Your word is important now because you want his word to be important later – so you teach the value of keeping your promises.
• Schedules and routines are important as they create a sense of safety for young children.

Beware of parenting practices that damage trust. Many common discipline strategies actually erode the relationship, causing more problems than they solve. Ignoring children, allowing them to cry unattended, shaming, and punishment all have the potential of harming the connection that is so very important. Building a trusting, healthy relationship in these early years will not only provide your child with lifetime benefits, but it will set the foundation for a more cooperative, better-behaved child in the future.

Rebecca Eanes is the bestselling author of multiple books including Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Gift of a Happy Mother. She is the grateful mom of two boys.