The key to cultivating positive feelings for your child (and anyone else) is to switch your lens. Lessen the amount of times you point out wrongdoing and increase the number of times you point out “right-doing”. Stop fault-finding and start soul-searching. She/he may not be who you expected, but I guarantee she/he is amazingly wonderful in many ways. Look closely at the miracle you have.
Take care of yourself so that your tank is full. If you're running on empty, you won't have much to give. I know it's easier said than done, but a little change can make a big difference.
Focus on your child's positive characteristics. Point them out to your child. “Do you know what I love about you? You're sense of humor.” Make “do you know what I love about you” sentences part of your daily communication with each child. Speak words of encouragement to them, and let them overhear you speaking positively about them to others. This is the sustenance that will grow them beautifully.
Finally, if you're too distracted (and it's hard not to be these days), join me in making a pledge to put away all distractions for a period of time each day to connect with loved ones. When we make a conscious effort to see beyond the behavior to the human being in front of us, the imperfect, messy, lovely, wonderful human being in front of us, the negative lens will drop and shatter, and we can come together, dancing in sync once again.
Related Article: Communicating Positively With Children
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