In Parenting from the Inside Out, co-author Mary Hartzell, M.Ed. told the story of a child named Annika who came to her nursery school at three years of age. Annika could only speak Finnish as her family had relocated while her father was a visiting lecturer at UCLA. One day, Annika fell down and skinned her knee. She was very upset and cried for her mother. She said, “Usually retelling the story, including both the content and the emotions of the event, greatly helps a child to both understand the experiences and feel the comfort of an empathetic adult,” but since the teacher didn’t speak Finnish and Annika didn’t understand enough English, the teacher used toys and props to retell the story to Annika while they waited for her mother to arrive. Using several dolls and a toy telephone, the teacher retold Annika’s experience, showing one doll falling down and becoming upset and the “teacher doll” using the phone to call the “mama doll.” As she told the story with the props, Annika calmed down and listened intently. When her mother arrived, Annika was eager to use the props to show her mother what had happened. In the book, the authors say, “When children understand what has happened to them and what may happen to them, their distress is greatly reduced.”
We can help our children process difficult emotions around many things, from scary doctor visits to the death of a pet or an argument with a trusted friend, by engaging in play to help them make sense of what happened.
Connecting with Our Children’s Hearts
Play is often the fastest way to connect with our children. By spending quality time playing with them, joining them in their worlds and letting them lead the way, we build strong connections that will ultimately make parenting easier and more enjoyable. When our children are connected heart to heart, they feel secure in our love, and this attachment bond is extremely important for a child’s healthy development. As a bonus, a child who is deeply attached to his or her parent wants to please that person and therefore takes instructions better and is more cooperative. It’s a win-win!
Roughhousing is a great way to build connection and has several benefits as outlined in the book The Art of Roughousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It. The authors claim, “Play—especially active physical play, like roughhousing—makes kids smart, emotionally intelligent, lovable and likable, ethical, physically fit, and joyful.” I would, of course, argue that kids are lovable and likable regardless, but their point is that roughhousing is a way to show friendship and affection, especially for boys.
Any play that includes laughter also builds the relationship. Laughter connects people emotionally, so whatever you play, just be present, have fun, and laugh out loud.
